


Loosing it all

by Serooks



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Identity Reveal, It just a fic I needed to write after that credit scene so have some fluff, Just two stupid boys, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Post-Spider-Man: Far From Home, Post-Spider-Man: Far From Home Mid-Credits Scene, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Probably out of characters, Sharing a Bed, Spider-Man: Far From Home (Movie) Spoilers, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, slightly self-indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-07-27 23:17:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20054179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serooks/pseuds/Serooks
Summary: After Mysterio (or Quentin Beck) last words, Peter world once again shattered. Lost and desesperate, he turned to an unexpected friend (or more).





	Loosing it all

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Everybody knew, now](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19483105) by [Gynny](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gynny/pseuds/Gynny). 

> Who would have thought that Peter/Flash would get me out of my writer block ? Certainly not me.  
Before Far from Home, I never even thought about this pairing. Yet they make a lot of sense. And now I really like them. 
> 
> I was so intrigued by the credit scene and everything that could be developped after that. Especially with how much that movie shows us Flash's love for Spider-Man.
> 
> So I decided after reading "Everybody knew, now" by Gynny that I would write what I thought could happen. I was inspired by her fic (a really sweet fic by the way, go read it if you haven't already).
> 
> And here I am with this fic that I wrote kinda in the moment so I apologize for mistakes or incoherences. Also I'm not a native-english speaker (I'm french) so if you see grammar mistakes, tell me nicely :)
> 
> (In this fic, Peter and MJ aren't in a relationship. They decided to just stay friends.)
> 
> That's all. Hope you'll like it ! ;)

It took a few seconds and MJ shouting « Peter ! » for him to move. He swung away from the street light looking one last time at MJ. 

He was losing his mind, swinging without thinking where he was going, because the only thing right now in his brain was Quentin Beck’s words.

After everything that happened, he thought he finally got his much needed break but even dead Quentin Beck had managed to ruin not only his life but also the one of everyone he cared about. Now they all were in danger because of him. 

He finally stopped on the top of one building after nearly crashing into a window. He was out of breath not because of all his swinging but because of the whole situation. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know who to call. 

That wasn’t true. 

He knew who he wanted to call, who he needed but he couldn’t. Not anymore.

Aunt May couldn’t help him right now and she was in enough danger, and so was Ned and MJ. Fury or Agent Hill wouldn't understand and right now he didn't want to see Happy. He would obviously bring Tony up and Peter didn't need that. 

Still trying to calm his mind and slow his breathing, Peter was pacing on top of the building, his mask in one hand, the other going nervously through his hair. Tears were coming and he didn’t care to stop them.

Peter needed someone else, someone who would still believe in Spider-Man, in Peter Parker, even after what had just been said about him.

It came to him to quickly for his discontent. He didn't like that idea at all, so he pushed it away. 

He doesn’t know how much time he spent on top of this building, but what he does know is that the sun had settled down when he had finally accepted the truth. 

He was quite surprised that Fury, some agents of some unknown forces or the military hadn’t arrested him yet. Maybe they first wanted to check on the facts before, knowing how unreliable the Daily Bugle is. 

He took a few calming breaths before putting his mask back on. He quietly swung across the city until he arrived at his destination. He waited a moment trying to convince himself that it was the best solution right now. Fury had clearly told him that every other Avengers including Captain Marvel, Doctor Strange or Thor were unavailable right now so he knew he couldn’t go to them. Besides, his crisis wasn’t a “world ending” or “the end of the whole galaxy” type of crisis so he didn’t want to bother them with it.

Now he was on top of another building. Once he finally had enough courage, he decided to find what might be Flash's room. He hoped that he wouldn't see anything too awkward. He found the right room and he gently knocked on the window while clinging to the building with his left hand. 

He waited for a moment then knocked again because he could clearly see Flash sitting in front of his laptop watching some kind of video. He was probably wearing some headphones or something, which led Peter to knock a third time, this time with maybe too much force. Flash jumped before taking his headphones off. He walked slowly and warily toward the big window where Peter was. He squinted his eyes and then suddenly his face changed completely going through way too many expressions. If the situation wasn't so horrible for Peter, he may have laughed for making Flash that shocked and confused. Flash, not taking his eyes off Peter, opened the window letting him in before closing it again. 

-Spider-man ?!

-Hi Flash, responded Peter in a very exhausted voice almost rough because he hadn’t spoken in several hours. 

Peter walked toward Flash’s bed, sat on it, and then he realized where he was so he stood up again awkwardly. Flash stared at him for a moment, clearly confused and Peter could see his hands shaking.

-It-It's all wrong, right? 

For a second, Peter thought about it. Lying. Telling Flash that it was a big lie and that no obviously he wasn’t the villain Beck made it look like. And he wasn’t Peter Parker.  
Except he didn’t because he was tired. Tired of pretending, of lying, of hiding. Just once he wanted to be honest. Really honest with someone. He needed more people in his life with whom he could be truly himself.

So instead of answering, Peter took his mask off. He tried a half-smile to Flash but even for that he didn't have the energy anymore. Despite the low lighting of the room, Peter easily saw Flash getting red then white, then red again. His hands were still shaking, and Peter wanted to stop standing here like an idiot and instead stop their shaking but that would have made the situation even more awkward.  
Flash started muttering to himself, almost like a maniac. He wasn't looking at Peter anymore, instead, he was weirdly walking in circle. Peter was able to catch "That can't be", "Please no" and "Not him" interspersed by nervous laughter and other weird noises. Fearing for Flash’s sanity, Peter started to come closer still maintaining some distance between them.

Peter realized that coming to Flash might not be such a good idea after all. Flash idolized Spider-Man, but hated Peter. So obviously he would have mixed feelings about this whole situation. Peter just had hoped that he could help him but before that he first needed to be calm. 

Slowly and keeping his eyes on Flash, Peter came closer until finally, he stood somewhat in front of Flash who was still in a sort of trance. Peter in a desperate move, put his hands on Flash shoulders and it worked perfectly. In an instant, Flash looked back at Peter and he seemed to be present again. 

-Are you okay? 

Peter knew it was a dumb question but it still felt right to ask. Flash didn't answer, looking at Peter like it was the first time he saw him. Something had seemed to change in the way he looked at him but Peter decided to put that on the low lightning. 

-Why are you here, Parker? 

Flash had tried to go back to his harsh and mocking voice, the one he usually used with Peter but it didn't work. And he probably knew it because he winced and took a step back to get free from Peter's hands. 

-I didn’t know where to go.

“Anymore” he added in his mind.

Flash looked at him like he was crazy before laughing nervously. 

-You have friends, your aunt, your … Avengers co-workers but you decided to come here? 

-It's not safe for them or for me anymore. And my co-workers... They don't really have time right now. 

-I’m glad to know you care that much about my safety, Parker.

That managed to make Peter blush because that was obviously not true, he just didn't expect anyone to come for him here. To his … rival's house.

-You're right. I didn't think about that because if they are looking for me they won't come here. 

-That’s still doesn’t explain why you came here, to my house, said Flash emphasizing the last part.

Flash had lost all his previous nervousness and seemed to be just angry and defensive right now. Peter didn't expect the situation to go like this. To be honest he didn't know what he expected. It was Flash. Not one of his good friends or another superhero. 

-I-I thought that you could help me.

-Help you? Why would I do that? 

"Because I'm Spider-man and you love him, right" Peter wanted to say but it sounded too childish and pretentious even in his head. 

-Because you know me. You know Peter Parker. You know Spider-man. And I know I can trust you.

Flash’s face was clearly an indication that he had not expected this answer. He had not expected the truth. 

-Alright. 

-Alright? Asked Peter again because he thought that after all of this, Flash would continue to fight. 

-Alright.

Flash went to take his laptop, quickly closing a youtube tab with a video of Spider-man swinging, and he sat on his big double bed.

Peter stood there because he hadn't given much thought to this plan after all and he had kinda hoped that Flash would do all the talking and helping.

-What do you want to do now? 

-What? 

Flash exhaled loudly, because he liked being dramatic, and asked his question again.

-I don’t know, I was hoping you had ideas, since … you know … you are a fan of Spider-man.

Flash tried to hide his smile but failed.

-I'm a fan of Spider-man yes but that doesn't mean I know how to deal with a big villain or identity reveal. That's more of Spider-man job. 

Nodding, Peter went to sit next to Flash on the bed and he started to look around him. Flash’s room was big with big windows. It was dark and the only light was coming from outside and from Flash’s laptop that made Flash’s face look like an apparition or … an angel. 

-… your identity? 

Peter stopped looking at Flash’s haloed face to look at the room. There was not a lot of furniture and it was really tidy and clean. The big double-sized bed was in the middle and was the only thing that didn't seem to be lifeless. No dirty socks on the floor, no books falling from shelves, no tissues on the desk. Everything looked different from Peter’s room. Peter’s eyes scanning the room came back once again on Flash’s face. His hair looked a mess. They weren't tucked behind his ears. Long hair really suited him. The blue light from the laptop made them look really shiny. Shiny and soft. Soft like- 

-Parker? 

Peter stared at Flash, lost for a second before realizing what thoughts were in his head and he could feel the blush coming on his face. Surprisingly enough, Flash’s face seemed to have gain red too. 

-I was saying, what do you want to do about your identity? 

Peter just shrugged, looking away from Flash’s face, too scared his disturbing thoughts might come back.

-You could come up with something to prove that Spider-man is not … you? 

-If that’s what you want, he added.

The issue here was that Peter didn't know what he wanted. Sure, hiding his identity was his main priority for a long time. His only priority with all the Mysterio situation. But now he felt robbed of the choice. He didn't felt like this choice existed anymore. He could try but it would never be the same again.  
He thought about Tony, who had decided to take charge and bluntly reveal his identity. It was a huge thing at the time but then everybody seemed to accept it like it was … normal. And Natasha or Steve also have never hidden behind a secret identity. Maybe that’s what was supposed to happen. He was naive to believe he could just live two lives at the same time and have everything be the same. He was Spider-Man and as much as he also wanted to just remain Peter Parker, that wasn’t possible anymore.

-Parker? Can you actually talk? Because I can’t read your stupid mind.

Peter nodded and started to play with his fingers because saying what he had just thought sounded so stupid.

-I – I don't know. I don't think I can just go back now. Everyone knows and it's just too big and maybe it's for the best, you know. Like Steve, I mean Mr. Rogers, I mean you know, he never hides who he was and neither did the others. And you know Tony, he announced it himself and maybe that's what I'm supposed to do. I can't hide behind a secret identity forever and that would be just stupid. I just don't know because I wanted it to remain a secret but now I can't and I'm really angry about it but … I don't know. 

For a while, Flash didn't say a word and Peter's eyes remained on his lap. 

-Parker, you are not them.

-Them? 

-I mean, the Avengers. Sure, you are one. But you aren't an adult yet, and you didn't really choose anything too. You just got in the middle of all of this. And their situation is different from yours. 

-Plus, Mysterio took your liberty away so you have every right to be angry, he added very seriously.

At that moment, even though everything felt wrong, Flash’s words didn’t. He was right. 

\- So what do I do? 

Back to square one except that Peter didn’t felt as hopeless as he did before. Flash didn’t answer and seemed to be in his thoughts again so Peter just waited for him to come up with an idea, or other nice words, or anything really because his voice was actually really nice to listen to… Peter again shook his head to make the thoughts go away. 

Flash saw him and gave him a look.

-I’m fine, just tired, lied Peter because that was the easiest thing that came. And it wasn’t even a real lie anyway. 

-Sleeping, Flash mumbled before saying it once again louder. You should sleep and we’ll talk about this tomorrow.

Before Peter could say anything, Flash offered him to sleep in his room.

-What? No. It-It's your room, and your bed, and your stuff and - 

-Nobody comes in my room at night or in the morning before I’m awake. But if you sleep anywhere else in this house, someone is gonna see you and ask questions. So you sleep here, Parker.

-What about you? 

-I’ll sleep on the couch, obviously. 

-And that's not gonna be weird? 

-I'll just say that I fell asleep watching the TV. 

Peter didn't like that at all. Firstly because Flash was being nice to him and it was weird, and it made him feel weird. Secondly, because he didn't want to sleep in Flash room after having all of these strange thoughts. He had had some before but never that strong.  
Flash stood up, shoot a last glare at Peter and left the room. Peter was feeling awkward, sitting on Flash's bed, in Flash's room alone. He didn't like that at all. He thought about leaving, but he didn't know where to go. He had left his phone on the first building he was on and he knew that May, Ned, and MJ were probably worried sick for him but he couldn't tell them. He took one last glance at the room before taking his suit off. He was standing in his underwear when suddenly the door opened again. On Flash.

-I just- Oh -

-Shit, shit. 

Peter didn’t really know why he panicked that much but in an instant, he was hidden, in shame, in a dark spot of the room. 

Flash not knowing where to look at, walked into the room saying that he had just forgotten his phone, and he left practically running.

One awkward moment later, Peter came out of the shadows and he finally laid down on Flash's bed. It was still weird. But the stress, panic, and exhaustion of the day had worn him off and he slowly fell asleep. 

If he hadn’t been so tired, he would have heard the loud shouts and laughing noises. He would have heard the steps of someone coming. He would have heard the door of the room opening. He wouldn’t have been that surprised and scared to see Flash standing next to the bed. 

-Flash? Mumbled Peter, squinting his eyes. 

Flash put his finger in front of his mouth which only made Peter more concerned. 

-Am I dreaming? 

Flash's reaction showed Peter that he wasn't because he immediately became red and managed to almost trip on the bed. One hand going through his messy hair, he tried to gain some composure again.

-My father is back and he's having some friends over so I can't take the couch and I can't just go to a guest room because … well, he would think that's weird. And I can't tell him you're here. 

-Because I’m Spider-Man, stated Peter still feeling like he was dreaming and maybe everything that had happened today was just part of a big dream. 

-Ye-Yeah because of that, said Flash looking away.

They remained silent for a moment in this new awkward situation.

-I’ll just sleep on the floor or … I’ll leave. 

Peter started to move, trying to remember where he put his suit when Flash talked again :

-No, you can stay. My bed is big enough. We-We'll just stay apart and it's nothing, right? 

Peter could feel his heart beating faster after every second but he just shrugged like it was "nothing". 

Flash made a strange and uncharacteristic smile before sliding under the cover, with his back to Peter. 

Peter could hear Flash’s breathing, strangely fast. Peter could smell Flash’s scent even stronger now that he was here. Peter could feel the heat of Flash’s body even though he was on the edge of the big double bed. Peter wanted to move his hand and maybe see how soft Flash's hair really was. He wanted to try running his finger on Flash's skin to see if it was soft too. Peter just wanted to come a bit closer but he didn't. Because he was scared. So he just stayed still listening to Flash's breath. A part of his brain was still wondering if all of this was a dream because being in Flash's bed with him was a scenario that he couldn't have imagine elsewhere that in a dream. 

Slowly he nodded off only to wake up in the morning holding Flash’s hand. 

At first, for a few seconds of peace left by a nice dream, Peter felt good. He had slept like a baby, and the events from the day before weren’t in his mind. But then it came all back suddenly. Peter stood up in the bed, took a glance around and remembered Flash, the talk, the bed … a warmth in his left hand made him look and he saw Flash hand holding his. Flash’s hand was a bit smaller, very soft and Peter looked at their holding hands for a moment, not thinking that he should maybe let go. He didn’t know how it happened, or when it happened but it was nice. It felt nice. Still sitting, he moved slightly to have a better look at Flash. He was still sleeping. He looked so different when he was sleeping. He didn’t seem to be angry at the world anymore.  
Peter shook back an urge to touch his dark curly hair and instead wondered what he would do today. They didn't have class but he had to figure his pressing issues sooner than later. A slight shift at his side took him out of his thoughts. 

-Peter? Muttered Flash, eyes opening. 

His soft tone and use of first name made Peter suddenly very shy and hot. 

Flash raised his hands in a very childish way, only to realize that Peter was holding one of his hands. He raised an eyebrow at him, a very clear blush on his face. Peter wanted to explained that he also woke up like this and that he was also very confused but nothing came out of his mouth except a strange sound. 

Flash let go of his hand and went to take his phone off his charger. He then walked toward the door, looking straight ahead of him and then seemed to remember Peter.

-I’ll be back.

Peter, still in his boxer, looked at the suit on the floor, feeling overwhelmed by the situation. He was now scared to go outside, he was scared to put that suit on, he was scared to be Spider-man.  
Flash’s room, now much brighter, caught Peter’s attention and he started wandering around. 

-Nobod- Parker what the hell? 

Peter jumped and turned around, caught in the act. He was looking at some pictures on Flash’s desk.

-You... started Peter. 

-Please put some clothes on before I...

Flash didn't finish his sentence, and instead went to his closet and took a shirt and a jogging out. He threw them on the bed keeping his eyes down and then went away mumbling something about “decency” and “heart attack”.  
Peter, clothes on, left the room and after a quick trip to the bathroom, he found Flash in an open kitchen, taking some foods out of the fridge.

Peter not wanting to be too awkward, went to sit on one of the stools and watch Flash starting to cook something. Peter was starving.

-My parents are out.

Peter nodded not knowing what to say. Not another words were exchanged until Flash had placed a plate in front of him. 

-Thank you. I didn't know you could cook. 

Peter took a bite of his omelet and watch Flash sitting next to him staring at the big window. 

-How could you? We aren’t friends, Parker.

-Ye -Yeah I know.

They ate in silence, Peter shooting some glances at Flash who was still looking outside. The view was beautiful.

-I’m sorry, you know. I mean … I am sorry for calling you Penis Parker, and making fun of you, and just being a general dick toward you.

Peter almost choked on his bacon, not expecting this turn of events. Flash was now looking at him and he seemed sincere. 

-It’s fine, Flash.

Flash smiled sadly and he looked again outside.

-You know that my real name is not Flash, right?

Peter shook his head and Flash took his silence for an answer.

-My real name is Eugene. 

-Eugene, said Peter slowly like he was a baby learning a new word. The word rolled on his tongue. He liked it. 

Flash, or Eugene, stood up and started to clean the mess in the kitchen. He was pretending like they didn't just have a nice conversation for once but Peter could see the ghost of a smile on his face. 

The breakfast cleared, they went back to Eugene’s room. Seeing the bed again, made Peter very self-conscious about the fact that they had woke up holding hands. Peter wanted to talk about it but at the same time, the very slight view of the suit reminded him of everything else. He wished he could just stop time and stay in this bubble with Eugene, just for a bit. 

-I’m surprised nobody came crashing your house to throw me in jail yet.

-Why would someone do that? 

Eugene was searching for some clothes for him in his closet and Peter was sitting on the bed again. 

-Because I killed Quentin Beck.

Peter heard a loud sound and he saw Flash facing him rubbing his arm. 

-You had to, right? 

Peter knew deep down that killing Quentin was the only solution at that time but it felt awful. And he kept seeing the scene again and again. Now everyone thought that he did it because he was crazy, a mad villain jealous and megalomaniac. 

-Maybe I shouldn’t have. Maybe …

-It was either you or him, Parker. And he wasn’t a good guy.

-So you don't believe him? 

-What do you mean? 

Eugene was standing in front of Peter, eyebrows frowned.

-You don't believe that I was behind everything? That I killed him because he tried to stop me? 

-No! No, of course not. Pe -Parker .. you … You really think that I would believe that? Anyone that knows you, knows you could never do that. 

-Yet I still killed him. 

-Yes. You did. 

Eugene now came to sit on the bed. Peter's hands were starting to shake and he was trying to hold back his tears. 

-And by doing so you saved thousands of lives. You saved MJ, you saved Leeds, you saved Brant, you saved … I don’t remember his name. 

-You saved me, added Eugene more gently.

Tears were now rolling on Peter’s face. It was too hard. 

-I… I just wished I could have saved him, he choked burying his face in his shaking hands.

Peter knew he wasn’t talking about Beck anymore.

Eugene, lost, didn't immediately react but he couldn't stand seeing Peter that broken. He pulled him towards him to hug him. It was a bit awkward at first but then Peter let himself go in Eugene’s arms. He was now completely crying and Eugene was holding him strongly, not saying anything. They stayed like this for a while, and slowly Peter’s calmed down. Only small hiccups would break the silence of the room. 

-I’m sorry … I just feel like I’m always loosing. Yeah sure we won but it doesn’t feel like it. Now it’s the same with Mysterio. I saved everyone but I still lost. I just keep loosing.

Peter was still hugging Eugene and he didn't seem to want to let go. So Eugene didn't let go either. 

-I’m sorry you have to feel this way. But you aren’t alone in this, Peter. 

He put Peter back from his embrace to look at him in his eyes. 

-I promise, I’ll be here for you. 

Peter smiled softly and nodded. Eugene wiped some tears marks on his face with his hand. Peter was feeling so tired from the crying and the worrying and all that sorrow. He lied down on the bed while Eugene took his phone and started typing. 

Peter must have fallen asleep because when he opened his eyes again, Eugene was lying down next to him, smiling. Peter smiled back. 

-I’ve made some calls, started slowly Eugene.

-You aren’t wanted or in danger about Quentin Beck’s accusations. Mrs. Potts cleared your name, and some unknown witnesses came through to say that Quentin Beck was the one behind the whole "Elementals" situation. 

Peter sat down, and Eugene followed his move. 

-Now about your identity, I don’t think we can do anything. But you’re free to stay here as long as you want. But maybe you should tell your friends and your aunt that you are okay becau-

Eugene couldn’t end his sentence because Peter’s lips were now on his. It was a short kiss, but it was their first kiss.  
Without much thought, Eugene leaned forward and kissed Peter again, this time more passionately. Peter's hands had found their ways in Eugene's hair that were, as expected, very soft. 

When they stopped, they both had a very stupid smile on their face. Peter knew not everything was perfect, and it would never be perfect. Because that's not how life works. But he knew that he hadn't lost everything. Maybe he even had won something this time.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi again ! Please leave a kudo, a comment or even share the fic if you liked it ! 
> 
> (To clarify, Peter knows where Flash/Eugene live, yes. Feel free to imagine why. Also it might seems like his situation, and by that I mean the whole Mysterio lie, got fixed quite fast at the end but in my opinion, while it would create a big shock for everyone, I'm pretty sure that it would be solved quickly. Also I wanted to show how we can often loose focus facing adversary when the solution isn't even as unreachable or complicated as we might think. We all just need a bit of help sometimes.)
> 
> Anyway, if you want, I have tumblr too @serooks.
> 
> Bye :D


End file.
